I apologize for the cliff-hanger last post, but on Sunday we shipped off to the Peace Corps training site, a place with almost no means of communication, 40 kilometers or so outside of the capital. Roughly 80 volunteers were kept there for the week (many had already been there for a long time) in "consolidation," supplied with information, food, and activities from Peace Corps. We spent most of our days eating, napping, watching movies, playing volleyball/basketball, and partying, which doesn't, after all, sound too bad.
The problem is that in the meantime Madagascar still hasn't been able to get itself together. All week, rallies for both the President and the opposition group held the capital at a standstill, while some violence erupted in two new cities--Tulear (southwest coast) and Diego (northern tip). In Tulear, 4 people were killed by grenades as they were storming a food warehouse, and 50 were injured.
Despite this, and acknowledging that things like this are likely to happen for some time to come, Peace Corps staff decided it was safe to go back to our sites, and we left the training center on Tuesday. The entire 10 hour ride down was peaceful (the driver even left the radio off) until we pulled into the city, where we were greeted by a wall of angry protesters holding political signs and chanting with their fists in the air. We pulled a 180 instantly, and went the long way around town back to the Peace Corps house, where we were, again, locked in for the day. Over the course of the next two hours, we heard 38 gunshots fired, though they were all into the air trying to scare off opportunistic looters around the city. (Official word after this was: "It's still safe for you to go back to your sites")
These are the facts. How I feel goes back and forth by the minute, both wanting to be home but not wanting to quit; feeling safe at site but still, after 18 months, having no means of communication with the outside world when I'm there. Peace Corps has given us all the option of taking an "interruption of service," meaning I'd get all the important benefits of being an "RPCV" (returned PCV) except one unimportant one, though the connotation is still that of "quitting." I don't want to quit after being here for so long, and especially if everyone eventually returns to site and finishes out the school year. Personally, I cannot fathom finding the energy to return to site and teach about past participles and 5 different ways to ask for a glass of water at a restaurant. I never found my job here very meaningful, and it's now to the point of absurdity.
We are safe at our sites, and we're safer than not here in Fianarantsoa. However, things are not only not clearing up, but they seem to be getting worse. Many of us here are at our wits end trying to stay emotionally stable and figuring out how to work in this environment. Others don't really mind, and a few have already up and left. I've already missed 2 weeks of school and this week they're on vacation anyway. Is it worth it to return to site for the rest of the year? I think the answer is "no," but I don't know if that's enough to make me hit the big red quit button just yet.
